2004-02-12
Disclaimer: At one point in this story, it sounds as though it is going to get gross. It sounds like it went farther than it did. It didn't. Just keep reading.I will now tell you why I came here to figure things out.
A couple months ago, I was sitting beside my friend, Kiko, on her couch watching T.V., when she jumped up and started singing to the song on VH1. This was during the summer, so she was in a bathing suit with a towel wrapped around her. When she jumped up, the towel fell and she was singing in her two piece. *insert disclaimer HERE* She has a nice voice, it turns out. Anyway, I'm still sitting on the couch, just watching her sing to this Britney Spears song.
She made me start laughing histerically. Every time she went up to a high note she would make this face that looked like a goldfish. It was hilarious. While she was doing this, I looked at her, you know, like really looked. Not like teenage girls do to measure how they look to others and compare. I wasn't comparing. And it SCARED me.
I first noticed the way her legs looked while she danced around. They are kind of short, but not ugly short. They kind of curve around the knee cap and go back down around her shin. Then I went up to her arms, they are skinny. Her hands are curvy and skinny as well. They weren't the same as the countless number of times that I had watched her play her clarinet with the passion that she saves just for that. They were pretty, even lovely. Then I realize what i was doing. My mind says, "What is wrong with you, she's your friend! She's a GIRL! Why are you looking at her like that?"
I'm looking at her saying, "What ARE you doing? ", but I was kind of smirking at her at the same time. All the sudden she pulls me up and go, "Dance. C'mon!" So we both start dancing and singing. Soon after, we collapse laughing. Then we go outside to swim again in her pool.
I wanted to have fun that day, I really did, but after catching myself looking at her body like that... It scared me. She's a girl. Why would I look at her like that? I'm not even allowed to look at guys like that, but a girl...
Since then, I've caught myself thinking about her like that, too. I came here to write things down and sort it out.
Thanks.