2004-02-17
I'm a loyal updater, for now anyway.There are little things that I love about her, but those little things kill me.
1: The way she puts up her hair. First, she takes it out of the hair tie and takes out the barrettes.
Second, she drops her head back wards and her black hair goes down her back. I love her hair. She's Japanese, so it's the blackest thing you've ever seen. At one point, the clorine from her pool dyed it blue. It was funny.
Third, she gathers it up in her hands and ties her hair band around it. I feel stupid.
2: The way she plays her clarinet
She moves to the beat.
3: the way she chews(?)
Sadly, I realized this one today. This one is really weird, I know, but at lunch she was chewing on her sandwich and making this sound. We all started laughing. So, that's what brought up the chewing thing.
4: The way she writes. She has a mix of cursive and print that kinda looks funny. It's neat, so you can tell what she's saying, but not well enough to notice it.
I hate how I've noticed these little things. Over the months, I've grown steadily more hostile towards her. It's not that I don't enjoy her company like I've led her to believe by accident, it's that I don't want to notice the way she chews or the way she brushes her hair or the way she talks with an accent. I don't want to notice these things. I don't want to know these things. I just want to forget that this thought ever entered my head. I want to just be friends with her again without this thought constantly roaming around in my head. I've got to get this away from me before I go crazy. I don't want to accept it. Even though I think I must.