2004-03-22
Every word she says pierces me with a new pain I didn't know I could feel. I'm being put in touch with emotions that i didn't know I had, that I can't get away from. They follow me. I can't do anything about it.I just want to be with her. I long to kiss her the next time I see her, but that is a very rash decision. I just ant to make her happier. I want to see that smile every day. I want to make her as happy as she's made me.
None of that can be. I've taken so much pain and torture on the account of others. I've taken their problems and worries and put them on myself. I've protected them all too long. She protects me, in a way.
I sit here and cry. Now wondering why I put myself throught his daily. Why not just tell her and risk everything in our friendship?
She brings me to tears. No one has brought me to tears in so long. So much pain, but never release like tears.