2004-04-14
I've realized before that it is not only Kiko I have a thing for:In science, I look over at one of the popular girls and think how great her legs look today. I then try to push the thought from my mind and continue studying. few minutes later, I have the sudden urge to look at her legs again.
In band I begin to ask the third chair if she has a pencil (points off for not having one at my stand, of course) and notice how nice her cleavage is.
I feel superficial.
I think I would feel guilty if I noticed their personalities, though. Like I was cheating on her. Not that she cares, but still. There is a certain guiltiness that comes along with looking at other women as well.
I say "other women" as though I actually have one to make it plural. kiko is not one. She is not like that. I know it.
I am trying to concince myself this isn't happening. i'm not thinking like this.
God, but I am.
I have somewhat accepted it, to a certain level. I do not automatically think of girls all the time. I'm still, in my head as well as in public, straight. It's when I get around Kiko that I think, "Man, girls are better." So nice, so soft, so...not manly. So feminine. So different.