2004-04-25
It all makes me so mad.Shit!
I can always see her. She's always right in front of me. Smiling, laughing and being herself. I can look, but never go near. She's a girl. She's my friend. I have no courage to summon so that I can tell her about what I'm constantly thinking about her, or what's happening in my mind.
I see her bend down, I sneak a peek at her butt. The four of us are on Ally's bed, talking, and I casually look at her legs, as though I just seem to be thinking nd that's where my eyes ended up. Once, after band, I caught myself looking over at her chest while she was going over her audition piece. I hate it when guys do that to girls, and now look at me.
Then I find myself admiring her personality. The smart things she says. The way she thinks. The passion she feels for music. How everything engulfs her, controls her almost until a point of exhaustion.
I know how she thinks, I've spent so much time with all of them, I know how they all think. But everytime I think I know her fully, completely, she changes something about herself that I can't place. It drives me crazy, in the best way.
I've got to get over this or suffer heartbreak forever. or will getting over it cause heartbreak?